Whelp, we’re doing this.
January 18 – discontinue birth control (lol)
January 22 – initial u/s, start stim protocol
January 26 – monitoring
January 28 – monitoring
January 30 – monitoring
February 3* – retrieval, 2 days bed rest.
February 8* – transfer, 3 days bed rest, begin post retrieval protocol
February 18* – beta 1
*give or take a day, subject to change, pending no OHSS
So, there’s that.
Its scheduled. We had our teaching session today in Jackson after our initial baseline assessments. All the tests, all the poking. Four shots a day pre-retrieval, 1-2 shots a day post transfer. Lots of supplements, lots of pills.
My doctor paid me the nicest compliment today:
Your uterus is boring and warrants no comment.
That’s seriously the nicest thing anyone has ever said about my uterus. I was thrilled. Usually I get a lot of “hmms…”, “uh-ohs”, and “yikes!” Is now a good time to plug excision surgery? Who am I kidding. Its always a good time to advocate for efficient and effective treatment of endometriosis.
Educate. Empower. Advocate.
I wore new socks I got from my #ttcmugexchange2015 buddy, and boy did they give my doc a giggle.
He didn’t see them until he was already in the middle of my exam. Then he laughed so hard he had to stop what he was doing and get himself together.
You’re SO “gangsta”, Anna.
I KNOW, RIGHT?
As much as I hate the fact that I have to go to a fertility doctor to even have a chance at growing my family, I was reminded today what a rockstar team I have there. My nurses both hugged me, gave me “real” advice (“you’re going to be emotional during all of this, because, well my God, look what it involves? But the b**** factor of these meds is nothing like Clomid was…”), laughed with me, asked about my pups, and answered every question I had (all day… I’ve already emailed them twice since this morning).
As we’ve drawn closer and closer to appointments, and as we’ve started taking the first initial steps down the IVF road, my anxiety as skyrocketed to levels I didn’t even know I was capable. The funny thing about my anxiety – its all somatic. In my head, I’m totally fine. I have NO freaking clue that I’m anxious. But I’ll get off the phone with my clinic after scheduling and appointment or confirming a payment figure, and all of the sudden I can’t turn my head to the right, or its hard to breath, or I start to stutter, or I will talk 90 miles an hour. After a somatic symptom pops up, I’ve learned (through some therapy) that I need to mentally recognize the fact that I am stressed, and take active measure of de-stressing, even though I don’t feel stressed. Does that make sense? Its been a weird couple of months.
I actually went to my GP about it after a severe stuttering episode, ready to seek a little pharmaceutical assistance. I brag on my doctors all the time, and with good reason. Doctors are so smart, so much smarter than me. They know so much! I have a fabulous team. But they are exactly that – a team. To get anything done, they all have to be in agreement. My GP is not going to prescribe me anti-anxiety meds that maybe my FE has an issue with, or my OBGYN would not want me on while pregnant, or that could possible interfere with my migraine protocol my neurologist has given me. See what I mean? Its like assembling the Avengers just to get some Zoloft. This makes me Nick Fury, right?
Turns out, not all of my Avengers saw eye-to-eye on this. So yoga, the never ending grace of God, a new therapist, and a new coloring book it is.
Next week, Mister and I will celebrate our 4 year wedding anniversary. Its a weird fact that we’ve been on this trying-to-conceive journey for 75% of that time. My substitute hairstylist (long term stylist is on maternity leave, ironically) asked me last week if we had anything special planned for our anniversary, and before thinking about it too hard, I said,very excitedly:
Yes! We’re doing IVF!
She paused, a little shocked I think, but to her credit her response was perfect. Wow, congratulations, that’s huge, its a drag you have to do this but how exciting that you are able to, y’all must have been planning this for a while, etc. PERFECT. Stylists are like a special hybrid of therapists and sorority recruitment. How many problems to they hear in a day? They are NEVER short on small talk, they probably have dirt on half the town, all while balancing ridiculous expectations of “get the dead ends off” and “JUST a trim…” I’m on a rabbit trail, I know, but clearly I’m comfortable in my salon, and clearly this woman is no stranger to weird answers to questions.
But yes. IVF is our big anniversary present. Its suppose to be the flowers and fruit anniversary, but we’re being modernly liberal about it, and going for “be fruitful and multiply.”
Through all of this, I’ve been shown time and time again the beautiful relationship between God’s sovereignty and modern medicine/science. Its is absolutely ridiculous to me when we try to separate the two, only accepting one or the other. God has revealed Himself so much to me through research and finding wonderful physicians and healers who work miracles under a microscope. Another thing we’ve learned is how common this problem is, how many other families are hurting. After some discussion with one of our pastors, Mister and I will be leading a co-ed “Fertility Care” group at our church. This is meant to be a place for families struggling growing their family (infertility, secondary infertility, infant loss, miscarriage, etc.) to come and find peace and understanding in Christ. Our goal this entire journey has been to bring glory to The Almighty, whatever His answers may be. By investing in other families and shedding the shame and stigma that comes with infertility, particularly in the deep south, I think we can bring comfort and encouragement to others. If you’re in South Mississippi and interested in a biblically based support group, shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org; let’s talk.
We covet your prayers as we continue this winter. Its going to be a surreal journey, one I’m looking forward to chronicling.
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the Church and in Christ Jesus, throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen!
Ephesians 3:20, 21